WHY HAS HER NEW HUSBAND STOPPED MAKING LOVE?

Dear Dr. Judith:

I just got married in July and my husband and I have made love three times since then. He seems to have stopped having the urge.

We talk, we do things together, yet there is no kissing or holding. It's like something happened and I don't know what it is. I've tried to arouse him and it just doesn't work. He did have kidney stones a couple of years ago, along with swelling of the testicle.

I've asked him to tell me if and when he's ready to make love, yet nothing happens. Some days I can handle it. Other days I feel like reevaluating my marriage. There is only so much the ego can take.

Please advise me. I feel that without a little affection, this good marriage is going to be over.

--INCOMPLETE

Dear Incomplete:

Jean Wagner-Hewins, whose doctorate is in Psychology, responds:

"Have you asked your husband if he can tell you why the lovemaking has stopped? Sometimes, even in good marriages, there are topics that couples find difficult to discuss.

"Could this be such a topic for the two of you? If so, it is often helpful to seek the help of a professional who can guide the two of you through a discussion that might lead to a solution."

Clinical Social Worker Tony Schirtzinger (http://www.execpc.com/~tonyz), of the Milwaukee, Wisconsin Midwest Center for Human Services replies:

"I suggest that you show your husband this column. You need to talk about all of this, offer each other support, and get the help you need. You've both ignored a big problem way too long already.

"Your husband may need to see a medical doctor - perhaps even a specialist - for an evaluation of his physical well-being. If nothing is physically wrong, the two of you may wish to consider seeing a therapist with training in sex therapy."

The easiest way to find something you've lost is to remember what happened when you had it last. Try to recall those three lovemaking sessions in detail. Is it possible that something you said or did during lovemaking or afterwards caused your husband to conclude that he failed to please you?

Most men have an enormous (although sometimes hidden!) desire to satisfy their wives sexually. To a sensitive man, even no comment from his wife after lovemaking can be devastating, destroying his confidence...along with his sex drive.

Look for an opportune time to tell your husband how much you enjoyed him in bed. Be honest and specific. Reveal to him absolutely everything he did that you liked and be sure to let him know how wonderful it made you feel.

It is certainly possible that your husband has a medical problem. But before you spend your time and money on professionals, try the aphrodisiac of praise. For more wise women than you can imagine, it works wonders.

______________

To schedule an IMMEDIATE COUNSELING SESSION with Dr. Judith...
click HERE

Click here to receive Dr. Judith's
weekly newspaper column FREE via E-mail!

FOR LOVERS ONLY

WHY DID I SAY "I DO?"

DEVOTION EXPLOSION

WHY YOU WON'T GO TO HEAVEN

COUNSELING INTRODUCTION

           "Ask Dr. Judith" is a winner of the USA Today HOT SITE award.

                           Please click here to share your heart with me -- I'm listening...